penance

So, R reminded me that today was nine months smoke free. I started smoking around 17, but I didn't get into it seriously until 19, I think. I quit when I first moved out to California, because I was really broke and I was up to a pack a day, but it wasn't easy. I was surrounded by non-smokers, and I don't think they really got it (no offence)--I don't think they realized how difficult it was. I did about three months cold turkey, and then I went back to Staten Island for a visit. I think I started smoking as soon as I got off the plane. I was pretty good when I got back to California, but I figured once in a while was okay, just when I was drinking, just on the weekends...just...fuck it.

A little while later, I was a full-blown smoker again. In short order, I was pushing the pack-a-day mark. Then R gets the idea that she's going to quit (some nerve) on April 26th because it's some sort of national quit day or something. She asked me if I wanted to do it, too. I told her I had to think about it. The next day, I agreed and for the next three or so days, I smoked about as many cigarettes as I could. I still remember the last one before I went to bed on the 25th, on the side deck of my house. I smoked it down to my fingers, and once again, said goodbye to one of my closest friends.



I miss you, Joe. Thanks for the memories.

Day two was the worst--one of my coworkers said I was particularly "saucy" that day. But I got through it, and it was a lot easier because R was going through the same shit, which I didn't have the last time I tried to quit.

I haven't smoked a cigarette since--well, not a whole one at least...

The day after Christmas, boozing it up in New York City, I was way tanked on Guinness and whiskey and standing outside of the Ulysses in way downtown Manhattan in the snow and freezing cold (California made me soft) with one of my oldest friends, who was barely coherent. I took two drags off his cigarette, and the first one was really, really good. Luckily, I was so drunk, the second one made me queasy, so I declined his offer to smoke the rest.

So...

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed are you amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our deaths. Amen.