shepherds

We have this squinty-eyed preacher fellow who comes on local television late at night. He sits behind a desk, in front of a curtain and just reads the Bible. Mostly, he talks about Armageddon and makes interpretations based on the passages he chooses. I don't think he's as crazy as some, but he's up there. He has a logic behind his arguments--a suspect one--but a logic nonetheless, and he doesn't have lame songs, nor does he wear flashy clothes then plead for money. I saw this one dude who preached in this huge theater type room and condoned killing Muslims--and this was on regular television. That guy was way fucking bonkers, but the guy I'm watching now is much more mellow, still kinda bonkers, but he's not telling me to take arms against my neighbors.

He doesn't even yell, and he's pretty matter of fact--almost scholarly--but he's way getting us all prepared for the impending Apocalypse. He says it's coming, but he hasn't mentioned when. I guess it would have been so much easier if the Bible had said when.

I don't mean to belittle this man's beliefs; I'm just jealous that I can't give myself wholeheartedly into anything.

"How are you doing, friend? How are you fixed?" he asked.

I have no clue. I'm sure this man would think I'm a heathen and a sinner--a weak soul easily swayed by the temptations of the world. But he's assuring me that his god loves the heathens and the sinners, and that's nice.

"The best is yet ahead of us, when our Father blows the Seventh Trump," he explained.

My aunt used to read my sister and I passages from the Bible--she was Born Again, but the majority of my family is Roman Catholic--and I remember sitting on the couch in my grandmother's house and being read from the Book of Revelations. My aunt told us about fires, plagues, dragons, death and destruction. She asked me, "Isn't that beautiful? It gives me the chills just reading it."

It gave me the chills, too, but because the whole matter scared the shit out of me. I couldn't have been more than 10. I think it gave me nightmares; I wondered why someone who loved us so much would put us through such a terrible ordeal. But the images were strong, and I read the ravings of John a few times myself. When I was younger, I though that if this was really to happen, that I'd want to be there to see it. Just so I'd know for sure.

That was the thing that I never liked about religion, even when I was just a kid. Faith doesn't come easy for me. I have a hard enough time believing people exist when they're not in my presence, nevermind having faith that some great force watches over us all.