east side

I just had a good long talk with myself in the mirror. I look like shit, but I think that's the alcohol talking. I'm not sure what the conversation was about, but I tried my best not to listen; I can go on and on.

I was fortunate enough to catch a couple of really good rappers from New Jersey today. I'm not much for hip-hop, though I understand why it's so popular right now, but I'm still a sucker for some wimpy dude taking out his frustration on a guitar. That's not my fault. Blame Kurt.

Kurt Cobain, hip-hop icon

The headlining act was particularly good--well, I thought so anyway. I'm not a really good judge of hip-hop music, but I really liked his presense and delivery, and even though the turn out was shitty, he still got everyone who actually showed up really hyped. It's kind of funny how the underground rap movement seems so much like the post-punk / grunge / indie / whatever-the-word-for-it rock movements in the mid- to late '80s. Rock music at that time was all big hair, tricked out groupies, Italian sports cars and snorting lines of coke off of plastic tits. It's good work if you can get it, I suppose, and I'm not even trying to front. The first album I ever bought with my own money was Def Leppard's Hysteria. I had been into more serious metal acts like Metallica and Iron Maiden before that, but my cousin convinced me that they were Satan worshipers, and at that young age, I was afraid I'd go to Hell for listening to such things. I'm still afraid, but at least all my favorite bands will be there.

Unfortunately, all the really exciting stuff to come out of the mid- to late '80s passed me by. I was far too young to be into underground music. I was barely old enough to be into music at all, in any serious capacity. All I really had was the radio and whatever my cousins would listen to when they'd drive me around. In my pre to early teen years, I'd gotten into the hair bands, because that was what was popular. That's what my friends listened to, and even that seemed fringe compared to the Color Me Badds and New Kids on the Blocks of the world. We listened to rock, man, or what we thought was rock, anyway.

I didn't catch wind to the Mudhoneys, Sonic Youths and Nirvanas of the world until they had the spotlight thrown upon them. The first time I heard "Smells Like Teen Spirit," I didn't get it. I didn't understand what the fuss was about. He couldn't even sing. Then one night, sitting in my backyard with my friends and a little battery-powered radio, I heard "Lithium," and as cliche as it sounds, it changed my life. I wouldn't be in the job I'm in now if it wasn't for that song, at that moment. I guess it was the best and worst thing to ever happen to me.

The hair bands were slain by three power chords, and for at least a few years, even corporate rock music seemed like it meant something. The same thing seems to be happening with hip-hop. On the radio, there's nothing but people shouting about the bitches they fuck or the Escalades they drive or how much money they have. It's like hair metal all over again. But the few underground hip-hop shows I have been to and few CDs I own seem to have an energy that I can only imagine must be similar to the shitty little rock clubs of the late '80s. I've even heard lyrics that drop Cobain's name in a verse. It's exciting to see something like that, when you can feel that it's heading somewhere. I just wish it made more sense to me.