no, i'm pretty much always this lucky

My shitty day of self-loathing seemed to improve after work. I had a great meeting about a group creative project, and I'm really excited about doing something. It's not really my thing, meaning that it's not something I came up with or will have a big part in, but I'm happy to not be such an obsessive control freak and learn from watching--plus it sounds like it's going to be a whole lot of fun, and whatever I can do will, I hope, make me feel like I've accomplished something. Or at the very least, helped see something through to completion. I'm a terrible finisher when left to my own devices. Give me a deadline, and I'll stress like no other, but I'll get the job done every time, which is good seeing as I'm in the publication business.

On the creative front, this group project is just one of two things (I know I'm being vague, but I don't want to jinx it; I'll be more forthcoming if everything comes together) that I wish I had more time to be excited about. I've been so busy with more tedious things, that I haven't had a chance to get caught up in either, which may be for the best. In any case, as much as I hate myself and everything else at times, I couldn't be more excited about where my life is headed; I just wish it would get there already. (Did that sound convincing?)

Anyway, today was one of the bad days. Being the happy smiley nice guy all the time isn't easy. Sometimes I just want to tell everyone to go fuck themselves. I spent a good portion of the day taking deep breaths and cursing under my breath for no apparent reason. It was as if I just wanted to start screaming, and as previously reported, I couldn't stop my legs from shaking (like they are now). I actually got a lot of stuff done; but still, I felt frustrated and just kind of down. The meeting helped and afterwards, a couple of us decided to watch a movie, but we ended up deciding to forget the movie and play Burnout 3 on PlayStation 2 instead. The console was set up in such a way that required the three of us to change seats everytime we took the controller. Crashing my virtual car into other virtual cars and hollering about it was really cathartic, and I was glad I'd decided to stick around. Unfortunately, as I was moving to sit down and take control, I accidentally sat on the cord for the controller--the room was dark, and I know I need new glasses--which pulled the console off of it's perch and crashed it to the floor.

I think the thing got fucked up pretty good. It still played the game fine, but I think the one of the ports for the memory card and controller may have been damaged. I felt awful; I try my best to be careful with other people's things. I apologizes profusely and said I'd let him have my own PS2, but he refused. He said it was an accident and he was meaning to get one of the new ones anyway.

I could tell he really meant it when he said it was no big deal. If it were my PS2 and someone damaged it on accident, I'd refuse to take another one as a replacement, too, but I still felt like an idiot.