maynard and jesus and i

Maynard, bathed in the light
of the Lord

When I heard that Tool and A Perfect Circle frontman Maynard James Keenan had decided to put his bands on the back burner so he could rededicate his life to Jesus, I figured it was bullshit. The next day, I heard it was an April Fool's prank, and all was as it should have been in the world.

Then today, I heard again that Maynard, who I heard used to call Tori Amos and sing her lullabies (who does that?), had in fact found Christ--presumably hiding out next to a dumpster behind a sushi restaurant. If God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are one, and God is everywhere, he should be pretty easy to find, right? How come it's such a big deal when someone finds Christ, then? "Hey, guys, I heard about this thing Christianity. Have you heard of this stuff?" Whatever. So Kurt Loder, who I used to have a lot of respect for before I watched the VMAs one year and he started cooing over the new Guns N' Roses after the wretchedest television performance ever, like they were the saviors of rock, wrote an e-mail to Maynard, because I guess when you're Kurt Loder you e-mail Maynard and tried to be a super sleuth and get to the bottom of things.

Maynard answered that he had in fact found the Lord.

I saw A Perfect Circle last year and it was a bit of a religious experience. The place was packed, the lights were unbelievable and Maynard sang the first three songs behind a shroud of shadows. My brain shut off halfway through from over stimulation. I felt like I was in a wind tunnel or something. I spent most of the show on the floor in a puddle of my own drool. It was some mighty fine rock. I'm not sure what Jesus thought of the peformance, but I'd assume he was there as well.

I went to check back on the latest Maynard developments, because that's what I do, and it seems like the whole thing was just indeed a hoax. Our friend, Kurt Loder, e-mailed Maynard again and asked flat out if it was true. The response was "heh heh." Waaah waaaah waaaaaaah.