left left...left right left

I made up my mind yesterday that I would start exercizing about three days a week. I didn't want to wait for New Year's to make a resolution, because I usually make said resolutions in the throes of some depraved alcohol binge, and they're never anything practical--things like "I resolve to get drunker tonight," and shit like that. Plus, I think I've lost a little bit of weight from stress, so I figured why not keep it going?

I'm really self conscious about these things. I have no idea why. I can't exercize in the morning because I barely wake up with enough time to take a shower and walk to work let alone run around the block a few times, plus, I don't want anyone to know I'm exercizing, so I decided I'd do it at night--after 11pm. I'm tired of feeling old when I'm still sorta young, and I just can't do anything like I used to, so I guess I'll try to be more health conscious. Even typing that irks me. I had a membership at the gym a little while back, but I hated going there--all those people and lights. Gyms are loud too, and I never knew if I was working the equipment right. I suppose I could have asked someone, but the less people who realized I was there, the better.

However, my mind has been made up. I'm an exerciser now. I figured I'd do the walking thing, since I walk to and from work most of the time, and I like walking, so now I'm just speeding it up and exploring my neighborhood, which I haven't really gotten a chance to do. Not much to see at night, though, to be honest.

Tonight was the first night because the planned innaugural faster-walk-one-day-maybe-a-jog night, last night, had to be postponed due to me being at work till 3:15am. This evening, I really had no excuses, but I really really tried to find some. I warmed up a bit first and did like...stretching and situps and pushups and stuff...(this is so embarassing) which I know how to do more or less from watching fitness shows and the like, but I'm so damn unco-ordinated I feel like a dolt. Anyway, it got the job done, and after ten or so minutes (I was hoping it would take longer), I felt my heart beating a bit faster and blood flowing to places it really didn't like going. I figured I was ready, so I...y'know...wandered around at a brisk pace. I even broke out into a ...jog... in spurts, but quickly stopped if I saw a car coming, even if it was a few blocks away. I think I'd rather get caught masturbating than caught jogging... ...or maybe not. Is that weird?

I have no idea why I'm so embarassed about exercising, but I always have been. Anything that has to do with my physical self kinda irks me. I really wish I was just a brain in a box. Regardless, afterwards, I felt pretty good. I didn't go out for that long a time, and I didn't go too far, but I figured I was just getting started and all that. Let's see how long I keep this up.