not a creature was stirring

It's been quiet at the old ranch lately. I'm getting set to move at the end of the month--and by getting set, I mean I haven't done a thing--one of my roommates has already split, and the woman who took his place spends most of the time in the side house shacking up with my other roommate. Basically, I've had the whole house to myself, and I'm not quite sure if I like it or not. I don't mind the quiet or the extended alone time. I don't have to mute the television when I watch pornography, which adds a new element to the whole experience.

If anything, though, the relative isolation has made me more surly. I'm short with people who break the silence. I'm not as receptive to conversation. I don't like the sound of my voice when I talk to other people; it sounds a lot different when I talk to myself. I'm still not crazy about it, but it's much more tolerable.

I still find it hard to believe I have to leave here. I keep hoping something will happen that will make it so I don't have to move. I'm worried sick about how I'm going to afford the extra rent, how I'm going to adapt to the new living conditions, how I'm going to pay for all the extra bills the new place is going to mean--I'll have to pay water, garbage, and I think my roommate likes to use the central heating and air conditioning. Usually, I just sweat or freeze.

Work took a long time. Whe people ask me questions, I have a hard time thinking up an answer. I used to be a lot quicker making stuff up.

This is probably going to sound a lot more pretentious than it actually is, but I'm making a movie. I think I may have mentioned it before (to the five or so of you who read this, one of whom being me). The meetings went really well, and we're all pretty excited to do it. We've all been working together to develop it so it's not really just any one person, which is nice. Tomorrow I'm supposed to get in front of the camera to test for the character I created...basically because the character is painfully autobiographical, but I'm hoping personal tragedy makes for good comedy. I really don't want to get in front of the camera. The thought has been turning my stomach in knots, and no one's going to see the screen test but the two or so people who are organizing things. Still, I've blown the whole ordeal up to agonizing proportions, and I'm already wondering if there's a way I can weasel out of it. I want it to be good, obviously, even though we're just doing it to do something fun, but I only like attention until I get it, and then I want it to go away as soon as possible. Once it's gone, I wonder why it went away so fast.

I find it impossible to live with myself.

The Corporation was a pretty crazy documentary. I'd never been so captivated by two and a half hours of talking heads interviews.