the A list

I find myself constantly reminding... ...myself... ...that shit could be much, much worse. But self-imposed misery is one of the few things that keeps me happy. In an effort to keep myself as sunny as the damn weather, I've decided to reflect back on the shit that made me glad to be a denizen of the planet earth this week, or at least glad that I have a speedy Internet connection.

Brittany Murphy: Hey, Brit--do you mind if I call you Brit? Fine. Ms. Murphy. It seemed that I only found you attractive when they slapped some baddly bleached hair on you, crammed you into tight, short, cut-off jeans and paraded you around like a gum-smacking skank a la Spun. Now look at you, all grows up with a swank nose job and looking like a million bucks on the cover of Jane. I say "sigh" with two asteriks. I suppose this means we won't be screwing cans of Miller High Life into beer cozies at the tractor pull any time soon, so instead, I'll drop some of my lonely 32 oz. to you, shorty. My white trash fantasies of smelly couch cuddling on our broke-ass porch as we watch the weeds grow over our yard cars will have to be directed toward another.

Dude driving cab who was rocking out to Megadeth: I asked him, "how's it going?" He turned around and looked at me very seriously and said "Always good." Then, he cranked up the stereo so that the wailing, gurgling sounds of Dave Mustaine filled the car. I fought the urge to fist pump in the back, and he drummed feverishly on the steering wheel. "Is this a CD?" I asked. "It's on the radio," he answered, and we ventured into a sorry chorus of righteous metal fury. Which was only slightly less embarassing than the last time I was in a cab and played tenor in a rendition of "Raindrops Keep falling on My Head."

iTunes: So iWas the last person in the universe to realize iTunes kicks ass. iDidn't even know it was on my computer. iDon't remember downloading it. iThink it must have been bundled with Quicktime or something. However it got there, it's never leaving, never never. Now there's simply just not enough space on my computer to satisfy my voracious digital music hunger. You can buy any song you want for less than a dollar! A DOLLAR! i'LL just have to buy an iPod or something. Donations welcome.

Rerun of Lost: Thanks to ABC for letting me have a couple of weeks off. It's nice to have my life back. Now, please, take it back and give me my Lost.

Xiu Xiu - "I Luv the Valley OH!" (Fabulous Muscles): Dude's like the new Morrissey, but kinda girlier. But anyone who makes me want to scream, "My behind is a behive / I got a buzz in my backside" must be doing something right.