the ultimate in narcissism

I'm developing a crush on my blog. I'm not sure if it's healthy, but after fussing around with it till the wee hours last night, and even in between working today, I think there's a mutual attraction there. I don't expect you to understand.

I actually did write today. Not much, but I guess you've got to take it as it comes. I put on headphones and listened to music and pounded out a good paragraph or so. I also went back over some of the stuff I'd done and became well aware of why I didn't make it in to that master of fine arts program. I really should have sent in a better sample. I know I'm capable of better than that, at least I hope so. I guess I'm just in a weird place right now...This two year experiment (me moving out here) is in its third year, and it doesn't look like I'm leaving any time soon; I'm getting too comfortable, and I was never able to work once I got comfortable. Once I slip into a regular pattern my creativity takes a walk. I can work pretty fast once I have the drive to do so. I think in my first three months here, I wrote something like 60 plus pages. I think 65 percent of it was probably crap, but still. I was really driven at the time, and that was all I had.

Not much has changed since then, really, except now all I have is my job. I do write everyday--even if it's just a silly news blurb or a silly exposition of myself here, but it has kind of taken my head out of fiction, which isn't necessarily bad. I live mostly in a fantasy world as it is, and when I'm on a writing tear, it gets worse.

Blahblahblah...

I've always been a fan of infomercials, but the golden age of the Flowbee and Mike Levy and Amazing Discoveries has long past. You still got the infomercial king, Ron Popeil and he's cool enough. He kind of resurrected the genre of television programming he helped create with his rotisserie cooking thing and that "set it, and forget it" line. (This is the man who invented the Pocket Fisherman, after all, and he also brought us the spray hair in a can stuff--pure genius.) Over the past week or so, I've found my new favorite infomercial, which is for the latest Girls Gone Wild videos. Wait. Hear me out.

The latest infomercial is for two new videos titled Girl Power and American Uncovered with Doug Stanhope. Doug is actually a pretty funny comedian, but is kinda awful on The Man Show. This infomercial is kind of a throw back to the mock television program approach of the golden infomercial age. It actually has a plot; you see, Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis, quite possibly the world's sleeziest dude, has just about had enough of "real college girls" taking their tops and bottoms off for him. I mean, really. All these tequilla-ed up co-eds wanting to show him their goodies so he can peddle it on late night TV to perverted insomniacs in their boxer shorts (like me) makes for a lot of stress. Joe just needs to get away from the girls and the going wild and go on vacation. So he hires grubby ol' Doug to take over for a few days. Doug gets free reign of Joe's private jet and his Ferrari convertable and is charged with the mission to find "real college girls" who are willing to give their rich daddies more gray hairs. But Doug, lovable doofus that he is, just can't get it right, and Joe's not too happy about all the "skanks" Doug keeps getting.

In between censored promo shots (it's just too HOT for TV!) of girls flashing their stuff and going wild, we, the viewers, are treated to witty one-liners and Emmy quality acting that actually builds up to an ending. The only things that may be more disturbing are how many of these videos Joe had to sell to get the Ferrari and the private jet, and why my copies are taking so damn long to get here!