party critter

I've just been cranky all day. I'm not sure why, because everything basically turned out for the best. I'm going to San Francisco to see Rilo Kiley on Thursday--I've got a ride and everything--I remembered to call my uncle for his birthday--he wasn't there, but I left a message, he called back but my phone was off--and I even got an unexpected ride to work when a friend spotted me walking this morning. All in all, you can't really ask for a better not so eventful day. Still, I've been having a terrible time with taking things for granted lately. I think I'm becoming a grade A grouch to be honest. I hardly ever want to go out anymore. Being around people, in general, just seems tedious.

And all that's been going into this stupid blog lately (that I love) is whining and complaining. I guess that's what blogs are for, right? It's kinda like the scapegoat. I can just load it up with all my bullshit and send it packing out into the world like a happy so and so.

(Skirting around the issue alert): There was an important event that was supposed to happen today, but it turned out to be just an elaborate ruse to mask an informal get together. Part of me was hoping that it would be the serious happening that was advertised and not the light hearted fun it turned out to be. I felt the overwhelming need for structure today, I felt like I needed to know the course, which is something I could usually give two shits about, but lately I feel like that stupid plastic bag in American Beauty, but no one's filming me and talking about how beautiful I am so they can get Thora Birch in the sack. (I thought American Beauty was brilliant, by the way.)

[gotta check on my laundry]

So yeah, I got all "what does it all mean?" with myself and drank light beer and stared off into spaces. I felt all pointless. Then someone came over and started chatting, and I could see in her face how happy she was with what was going on, maybe how this was something she had been working toward for a while, and she was finally seeing it fall into place. Like this good time we were having was well-deserved. She's probably right; I'm excited too. I felt like an idiot for thinking this was a wasted opportunity. Obviously, I'm not the only person who wants to do something with his life. I think I'm just really stressed out; I have been for a while, and I don't know how to make it better. I miss the cigarettes and the alcohol isn't working. I've got to stop worrying so much.