you know how i hate good byes, or you might know if you actually knew me

Anna,

So. You did it. Honestly, I was pissed at Nathan for most of the episode. That whole "I can sure as hell talk to moms" thing made him seem kinda slimy.

And then, there were the dates. When you were all a-flutter with the whole "My heart's pounding in my chest" thing after your date with Rocky, I thought for sure that dumpy, poetry-writing Nathan was toast. I used to write poetry, too, you know. A couple of my college professors thought I was pretty good, but they added that I didn't know what my best work was. The stuff I submitted wasn't always as good as the stuff I didn't show them. I guess that's why the world needs editors. Maybe that's why I became one. I used to read that shit to women, too. Like over the phone and shit. Who does that? I never really wrote any about anyone in particular, but I'd be a liar if I didn't say that some of them were inspired by specific people, at least in part.

Most of them were inspired by marijuana, but I was never able to write them while I was high. I waited till the next morning, or while sitting around in the college cafeteria, or maybe sitting on my stoop where I'd watch all the sexy business women walk by when they returned from a long day of work in the city.

Anyway, then came Nathan, and I kept shouting at the screen how he totally fumbled the ball. He looked desperate and out of his league, and I even figured you'd be crazy to choose this simpering imbecile over that other dude.

But then the two of you got to the bungalow, and Nathan proved that he's a clutch performer, giving you his weird kid speech. Very moving. But that's when you totally elevated the game with your "I was in a catholic girls school" and "everyone thought I was weird and awkward" and "now I'm all fuck everyone else because I kick as and I'm empowered." Damn girl.

Then you went ahead and actually picked the Average Joe, though it seemed more like a "I think that Rocky guy's gonna fuck whatever he wants behind my back and bring home some kind of nasty VD" kinda thing, than a "God mumbling and insecurity really turns me on" kinda thing. Still, I got the same feeling I get when I watch the end of Rudy and lil' Sean Astin gets in for two plays and sacks the quarterback and Charles S. Dutton gives that intense look and does the quiet slow clap by himself, because The Man totally fucked him over, and it always compells me to jump out of my seat and scream "RUDEEEE RUDEEE!!!" It's a good thing the house was empty. And it's a good thing I can't find my copy of Rudy.

Well, I guess that's it. I hope "taking it slow" works for the two of you, and if it doesn't, well, I told you you should have picked me.

Seething with good tidings and crippling jealousy,

-J.