do i have to go out and play?

Fourth of July weekend treated me very well. I celebrated the holiday with ample amounts of beer and food--I even had breakfast--I saw some fireworks, went down to a river, played fetch with a dog. It was a good day, even though large amounts of sunlight aren't agreeable with me. I don't burn much, if ever, but being out in the sun all day inevitably leads to me getting a headache. Sun block always ends up getting in my eyes, and I can't shake the smell of it for the rest of the day. I'm also not fond of the outdoor grime that gets on me when I'm enjoying a safe and sound portion of wilderness. But nature is beautiful and all that. I'd just rather experience it from inside a hermetically sealed bubble.

Regardless, I showed up to work today extremely relaxed. Even when two problems arose soon after I sat down to begin the work day, I didn't get all stressed. Well, just a bit, but it went away. Maybe wading in that river did me some good.

Whether it did or not, I'll be happy to stick to more claustrophobic forms of entertainment, away from the bugs, dirt and thistle. I was able to catch Batman Begins over the weekend, in the comfort of an air-conditioned theater, and was extremely entertained, even though Katie Holmes played a major role. They really did a good job of establishing themes and developing them through the course of the movie, and Christian Bale, who went from a frail skeleton in The Machinist to a much beefier action hero in this film, was really convincing as Batman and Bruce Wayne. I can't wait for the second one--I'm assuming there will be one--and I hope they're able to bring back Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine and Bale, though that may be too much to ask. Thank you, Chris Nolan for saving Batman from the evil day-glo clutches of Joel Schumacher.

As today meant resuming normal indoor activities, I spent most of the evening glued in front of the television. The first order of business was to watch Average Joe,because I heard from a reliable source that the new dream woman was in fact dreamy.

This season's crop of Average Joes seem to teeter on the ugly side of Joe-dom and are prone to wild fits of volcanic insecurity. I can't say that I blame them, though, as the "prize" the winner will take home is an impeccably tanned, red-headed and dreamy Poland-born model with a big gushy heart of gold.

Though I've only seen one episode, it's clear that Anna Chudoba is the kind of woman who could make me forget all about my fantasy baseball team. At least while she was around. She's sassy, friendly, smart, sexy, probably too nice for her own good and speaks at least two languages. Consequently, she's enough to make me watch an entire season of this crap.

She's also able to deliver this look. It's kinda hard to explain, but it's devastating, and when she blasted one of her Average Joe-puppies (Arthur) with it, you could see him turn into a mass of human-flavored Jell-O. I was proud of him, though, because he was able to keep his cool, whereas I probably would have soiled myself.

Anna likes the Joes. That's apparent. Even the balding nappy haired man with the scary teeth. Anna buddies up with all of them like they're good friends. She gets choked up when she has to eliminate the poor schlubs who she didn't make some kind of connection with. This episode was filled with heartwarming goodness as Anna got to meet and snuggle one of the descendents of the great orca Shamu, fulfill a lifelong dream of swimming with dolphins and share some sweet intimate moments with a few of the hapless contestants and laugh and hug them and stuff. Intercut with all this were shots of the chisled not-so Average Joes who were sent in a fleet of sporty red convertables to interecept Anna and co. on the Queen Mary in Long Beach, CA. Talking heads of dudes stammering their wide-eyed affection for Anna were spliced together with shots of the invading "hunks" flexing, driving across the desert in their sports cars--which looked really, really lame--and snorting brutish threats about how they were going to swoop in and steal Anna away from the sweaty-palmed clutches of the hapless Joes.

It was pretty nauseating, especially when the hunky dudes went all Metal Gear Solid and infiltrated the elimination ceremony via inflatable raft and stood toe-to-toe with the Joes in a display of grunting dominance, stopping just short of peeing on Anna to mark their turf, which would have been appropriate, but I guess that's why I watch these shows. ...For the cheap dramatics, not the urination.