french fried couch potato

I've had a lot of shit I've wanted to write about, but I've been too busy watching television. Thanks to time at home, not having to go to work, I spent countless hours like a vegetable in my parents' living room watching all manners of Law & Order and the Game Show Network. I really like the original show Lingo because it deals with words, is hosted by Chuck Woolery and co-hosted by Shandi Finnessey, who is mega HAWT and as Miss USA 2004 never snorted coke off of Miss Teen USA's barely legal inner thighs...as far as I know. She smiles brilliantly, speaks respectfully to Chuck and punches buttons on a computer. She does all of which very well. Chuck flashes his signature "two-and-two" and does his best not to act like a dirty old man around Ms. Finnessey. I like Chuck. He's got a good voice and great hair. I'm also pretty sure he's always looked the same age. Slackers around the same age as me also regularly appear as contestants and are stoked to win like $600. I like that it's not big money. There are enough millionaires in the world as it is. It's kind of refreshing that there are still game shows that aren't necessarily life changing events. The scruffy dudes and dudettes on this show are just stoked to win rent money and have a few bucks left over for a case of Pabst. I'd be pretty happy with that too.

Tonight was the first two hours of the four-hour, two-night premiere of 24, which is really obnoxious, but I can't help getting sucked into it. I don't think I'd care if it weren't for Kiefer Sutherland. He is Jack Bauer. The first two hours had like nine terrorist attacks, multiple torture scenes, dude who played Kumar (!!!), a big 'SPLOOOSION, whisper-yelling, only one utterance of the phrase "in real time" and Bauer ripped some dude's throat out...WITH HIS TEETH. Yeah. It rocked, and it introduced us to Nadia Yassir, played by yummy Mexican-American actress Marisol Nichols (I'm assuming because she's a competent actress and that most Fox viewers are unable to differentiate between different kinds of brown people). According to her dossier on the official Web site, Ms. Yassir is CTU's Associate Special Agent in Charge, Los Angeles Domestic Unit; fluent in Arabic; and received her Bachelors of the Arts in Languages at the University of Michigan. She's a Wolverine, but I won't hold that against her, because she can rock a headset microphone, business suit and concerned expression like nobody's business. Well played, 24.

Afterwards, I turned on my new favorite show, MTV's I'm from Rolling Stone, which is a "reality" program about six young (and attractive and ethnically diverse (attractively, of course)) aspiring writers who are competing for a year-long job at Rolling Stone as an associate editor (or assistant editor), and all the fame and fortune that entails. This show interests me for obvious reasons. Finally, there's a "reality" show that pertains to my everyday life, though I wish someone would tell me where my fame and fortune are. It's kinda refreshing because it's nice to see people who're really enthusiastic about wanting to do what I do, but, you know, that doesn't stop me from scoffing and snickering at their every move. I'll probably just leave it at that, because I'm not in the mood to launch into a bitter tirade about how they're getting this job the easy way over people who are probably 1000 times more talented and qualified (cough), because, with any luck, I'll be fetching their coffee one day.