ever watchful

This critter here is a remarkable creature. I don't know much about puma, but they sure look like magnificent beasts. Those eyes are very alert. I can't see for shit, really, but there are certain things my eyes are drawn to very easily. I can spot a spider with my glasses off and the lights out if there is one in my bedroom when I'm trying to get to sleep, and I also have a knack for discovering suspicious lesions on my body. Of course, I'm a bit of a hypochondriac (not in the traditional sense--I'm not obsessive about washing my hands, and I don't use toilet seat covers if I have to take a shit in a public bathroom), so any mark upon my person is suspicious. Regardless, when it comes to mysterious marks, bumps and moles, I'm much like that striking jungle cat pictured above. More or less (mostly less).

Last night I was laying in bed and discovered some discoloration on my inner right for arm--a somewhat significant, kinda tan area, which immediately raised an eyebrow because I am physically incapable of tanning (or burning for that matter). I first subjected the offending region to the old mother test, i.e. I licked my finger and rubbed at the splotches. They didn't disappear. Then, since I thought it may be a bruise, so I jabbed at it vigorously to no effect. It didn't hurt. It didn't itch, it didn't look in anyway infected, so, this morning, I decided to self-diagnose.

The Web is quite a place, basically because it's able to cater to every sort of perversion and obsessive behavior. If you're a hypochondriac, the Internet is a veritable vortex of worry and paranoia. I started my Web search modestly with "skin discoloration," but really, this was just foreplay, and I was seriously horny for some woeful distress. I stopped beating around the bush and googled "melanoma." This brought me to WebMD, which is like paradise for the hypochondriac. A few simple clicks at this site, and a simple cough could be a sign of lung cancer. It didn't take long for me to convince myself I needed a doctor, but I stopped myself pretty quick. I'd seen plenty of pictures of what real skin cancer looks like, and it's not pretty (I don't suggest doing an image search for melanoma), and I'm kinda tired of worrying, but I think I'm sort of addicted to it, or at least to the feeling of relief that comes from realizing you had nothing to worry about. Perverse indeed. I think I may block WebMD, just to avoid any further temptation.