a message from our lord

I got this spam e-mail in my work's inbox today. I get about 30 like it a day. It came under the subject line "Fear God and Give Him Glory," and it should be noted that it concluded with a banner for Shaadi.com, an Internet marriage arrangement site. Which sounds like human trafficking to me, I think. Enjoy! [Italicized comments are mine.]

Dearest one in the Lord,


It is my Pleasure to write to you after considering your profile [I am kinda hot from the side]. My name is Elizabeth Bine a nationality of kuwait. I am married to Mr. Lobi Bine who worked with kuwait company in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2003. We were married for eleven years without a child [Even Tom Cruise managed to impregnate a woman. And he's totally gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that]. he died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before he death we were both born again Christians. When my late husband was alive we deposited the sum of $8.5Million (Eight Million five hundred thousand U.S. Dollars) [I heard you the first time] with a BANK here in COTE D'IVOIRE.

Presently, this money is still with the bank. Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last due to cancer problem [That is a problem]. Having known my condition I decided to look for some one who is a man of God, a christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in. I want a a person that will use this fund to churches, or phanages, Research centers and widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained [What about strip clubs and drinking myself into a coma?]. The Bible made us to understand that Blessed is the hand that giveth.

I took this decision because I dont have any child that will inherit this money and my husband's relatives are not Christians and I don't want my family hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers. I dont want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner. Hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going.

I know that I am going to be in the bossom of the Lord [Is it me or is that a bit presumptuous...and kinda kinky?]. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health because of the presence of my family relatives around me always. I don't want them to know about this development.

With God all things are possible [Even spam scams...]. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the bank where the money was deposited for you to contact them and request them to transfer the money to your account.I will also issue you a letter of authority that will empower you as the new beneficiary of this fund. I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shephard. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life [Hey, I try...]. Any delay in your reply will give me room insourcing for christian in dividual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated here.

Hoping to hearing from you with this email address above.

Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.

Yours in Christ,
Mrs Elizabeth Bine